By D’Antrese McNeil, Navy Spouse
PCS’ing is NOT fun. I do not care how you try to make it sound like an adventure, the stress that comes along with moving is a vibe killer. Finalizing bills, looking for a place to stay before you actually arrive at the new place, figuring out schools, spousal employment…get my drift? In the midst of all of this, you may find your relationship taking a slight hit. But it doesn’t have to.
My husband and I make it a point to ensure our marriage doesn’t suffer while PCS’ing. We are actually in the midst of one now and outside of when we moved to and from Seoul, Korea, this is probably the craziest one to date. I actually had to stop after our final move out the other day and tell him, “Sir, we need ‘us time.'”
Look, I know how hard it is to find time for each other during a PCS, especially with children. We have FOUR, (Still trying to process what made us think that was a great idea lol) plus three dogs. Here are a few ways we keep it alive.
This is so simple. Being intentional means making it a purposeful thing to check on each other during the process. Ask if they are ok. If you notice stress making an appearance when it isn’t really necessary, a simple “hey babe, its ok, lets chill for a minute”, goes a long way, trust me. Be intentional in telling your partner you need time together.
In a time where you thrive on organization because let’s face it, nothing ever goes right during a PCS, ever, (you tell me one time a PCS went perfectly. I’ll wait) a little spontaneous date night or date in can be a vibe and relationship booster. Put the kids to bed early, open a bottle of wine and pop in a movie for just you two. Or find a sitter if needed and go for a quick movie or dinner date. Last minute. I know spontaneous dates are hard to plan but if you can do them do it …intentionally. Check PCSgrades.com for their excellent series of Date Night articles!
Look, you have to be able to understand that ‘ish’ happens. And it won’t always go as planned. So if you had a great date planned and then all things went left, be open to tweaking those plans a little to still make it happen.
Let’s not leave out our friendship relationships! These tend to actually suffer the most when we PCS because we become so focused on everything else, we neglect those relationships that kept us together and sane during the process. Make sure you take the time to spend a few moments with those girl and guy friends. They and you need to know that just because distance will separate you, it won’t change the friendships.
I know with my girls, if we can we have a sleep over, I’m talking footed pj’s, wine, junk food, and ratchet reality TV, sans kids; it is great. If we can’t do that, we still meet up and spend time together. And even if the great time can’t happen, we make an effort to see each other physically and talk to each other before one of us departs.
My best friend Amber just PCS’d to OKC from FT. Meade and we drove the 1.5 hours to see them for a whopping 45 minutes before they left. AND IT WAS WORTH IT. I got to hug my BFF who will be 6 hours away from me when we PCS in less than a week. This is the furthest we have ever lived from each other. But our intentional ways of making sure our relationship matters, keep the BFF vibe alive.
These are a few ways that we keep our relationships alive, share with me some of yours.
Author: D’Antrese McNeil is a PCSgrades Blogger Affiliate and a proud Mil Spouse whose husband is getting ready to come off active duty after 9 1/2 years of naval service. She is the 2017 NAS Patuxent River Military Spouse of the Year and a stay at home mom, as well as a photographer and vlogger/blogger. Her Facebook followers are often entertained with her tales from military life to life in general. The family just recently PCS’ed to Houston, Texas. She enjoys Hip Hop, R and B and country music and is a big Foodie! Check her out on YouTube: D’Antrese Le’Chelle and FaceBook: D’Antrese Le’Chelle.